


Love and Its Complexities

by caramiro



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Geisha, F/M, Other Fandoms Not Mentioned in Tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 18:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10769970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramiro/pseuds/caramiro
Summary: Sometimes, love isn't a strong enough reason to let yourself fall





	Love and Its Complexities

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the 2013 cycle of [KPop Olymfics](http://kpop-olymfics.livejournal.com/67501.html). Transfered from my LJ account.

Soojung rolled her eyes as she adjusted her position in the dance room with Hara’s crying serving as her background music. Rather than the music of the shamisen and the flutes, Soojung performed her routine for their dance lesson to the music of Hara’s tears. Hara’s danna had decided to end their seven-year-long arrangement. Soojung refused to call it a relationship, as this was nothing more than a business transaction between geisha and her danna.  
  
Based on the murmurs of Jiyoung and Yongjoo, those comforting the hysterical mess that was Hara, Yong Junhyung had left her in favor of a younger, low-ranked geisha called Naeun. If that was the case, then he was the biggest idiot alive. Hara was one of the best geisha in the entire Haru district, and for him to leave her for some nobody was a foolish move. Now men who have been pining for Hara from afar have a second chance. For Hara’s sake, Soojung hoped she got over Junhyung fast.  
  
The men had them as arm candy, fuck toys, and playthings while the geisha received money in return. There may have been some lucky ones like Victoria, whose danna, Nichkhun, fell in love with her and eventually married her. She left the geisha life, and she was now the owner of one of the most influential teahouses in the Haru district. Honestly, most men wouldn’t marry their playthings. Geisha were there to serve as men’s mistresses if they got bored with their wives. She recalled what happened to Nana when she was impregnated by that navy captain Lee Joon. The bastard brought her back to the okiya the moment he found out she carried his baby. Nana aborted the baby of course. It was the only way to keep surviving in an industry where one’s availability mattered more than anything. What happened to Suji was even worse, as her danna, Myungsoo, made her believe he was falling in love with her and wanted to marry her; until he revealed that Suji was merely a beard to cover up his relationship with his business partner Sungyeol.  
  
After a long, tiring day, Soojung wanted nothing more than to remove her make-up, change out of her kimono, and sleep on her futon. However, these plans were thwarted as Mistress Ryu, the woman who ran the okiya she lived in, called out and requested for her to come to her office. There were only two reasons Mistress Ryu wanted the geisha to visit her office: they were in trouble, or they had money matters to talk about. Soojung frowned as she wondered what the Mistress would want with her. She didn’t recall getting into trouble, and she had settled her debts when she had her mizuage. She wondered what their insane, money-hungry mistress wanted as she softly rapped her knuckles against the wooden door.  
  
“Come in.”  
  
Soojung stepped in and as expected, Mistress Ryu was at her desk, fiddling with an abacus and filling up columns and rows. The woman herself was old and wrinkled, with yellowed teeth from too much smoking. The woman enjoyed nothing more than counting money or nitpicking at everything they did wrong. It took more than just discipline and self-control for Soojung to refrain from rolling her eyes every time Mistress Ryu nagged. After all, the mistress could easily throw her out on the streets.  
  
“Have a seat,” Mistress Ryu said, without bothering to look at her.  
  
Soojung knelt down across the old woman. She tried keeping her features calm, as though she wasn’t guilty of anything.  
  
“You will be turning 18 soon, yes?”  
  
Soojung nodded. Once she turned 18, she would no longer be an apprentice geisha, but a full-fledged one. She would no longer be limited to just attending parties and dance recitals. She would be able to entertain danna proposals by now. Danna was a term women used to address their husbands, although geisha themselves never got married. Those who did quit being geisha and did something else with their lives. After all, there were some men who got bored with all the flirting and wanted something more, and they went to whorehouses for that. But if a man wanted a long-term (if not permanent) commitment with a geisha, he would have to pay a lot more, but be entitled to certain benefits.  
  
Mistress Ryu explained all this to Soojung as though it was her first time hearing such things. Soojung tried not to let out any noise of exasperation as the old lady prattled. She wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship. Besides, who would even present themselves to her as their danna? She may have been one of the most popular apprentices in Haru, but she wasn’t established enough to have a string of men wanting a long-term relationship with her. She couldn’t very well protest, or else that would prolong the discussion. Soojung simply wanted to sleep and pretend to forget this conversation ever happened.  
  
  
“What do you think I should do about it, Kahi unni?” Soojung asked, a week after the conversation in the okiya happened. She was inside Kahi’s apartment, waiting for her tea to cool. Kahi merely stared at Soojung in response that she wondered if the older woman even heard her question.  
  
Kahi was Soojung’s “older sister,” not in the biological sense. An older sister served as a mentor to a younger geisha. If one took her job seriously and did her job well, then the relationship between the senior geisha and the younger one would be like that of real sisters. Soojung was fortunate to be living with Kahi in the same okiya. After all, Kahi was one of Haru district’s most prominent geisha and many young geisha would have loved to be her protégé.  
  
“I hope you’re available tonight, Soojung,” Kahi said, sliding a train ticket across the table. “We’ll be going to a cherry blossom viewing party at Gwangyang later. It’s hosted by Ambassador Kim Dongwan, one of my loyal patrons and a very dear friend of mine. I’ve been meaning to introduce you to him and his sons for some time. Now go to the bedroom and change into the kimono I’ll be lending you.”  
  
Soojung had gotten used to wearing Kahi’s kimono, despite a senior geisha rarely allowing an apprentice to wear her old robes. She only received this special treatment after she rescued Kahi from a fire back when she was still a geisha-in-training and Kahi was still living with them in their okiya. This time, Kahi had chosen an orange silk with a silver waterfall pouring from the knee into a slate-blue ocean. The waterfall was split by brown cliffs, with knotted driftwood at the base embroidered in lacquered threads. The obi was russet and brown highlighted with gold threads. Kahi herself wore a simple, yet exquisite kimono in different powdery shades of green, with a vine motif bearing red leaves. Soojung had always envied Kahi’s effortless beauty, yet Kahi told Soojung she should have a proper look at herself in the mirror once in a while.  
  
“As for your question...” Kahi said as she helped Soojung put on the crystal hairpin. “I think it’s too early for you to get a danna when you’ve just turned your collar. It would be wiser for you to establish your career even more, don’t you think? Besides, you might meet more favorable patrons in the future... It’s too early to commit yourself at this point.”  
  
Soojung nodded as she put on the black and silver zori prepared for her. Personally, she preferred Kahi’s way of thinking rather than Mistress Ryu’s. From what she had seen, men were like children—you can only invest so much in them until they left. She learned this lesson from Kahi herself, whose danna, Seunghyun, was a married man. Kahi never allowed herself to fall in love with him. She merely thought of him as a generous patron and nothing more. At least, that was what Kahi led Soojung to believe.  
  
It was Soojung’s first time riding a train to explore regions outside of Seoul. Seeing people on the streets, just begging for money or food unnerved her. The Great Depression may not have affected them so much, but to actually see people experiencing a poverty even her worst nightmares can’t come up with was something that stuck to her for life. Kahi held her hand in a way that was comforting and apologetic. Soojung shot her older sister a small smile and both of them said nothing for the rest of the journey.  
  
  
She must have fallen asleep, because she found herself being shaken awake by Kahi’s dresser, Zhou Mi. Soojung blinked the sleep away from her eyes. They were finally in Gwangyang, as Soojung gathered. The carriage that was supposed to take them to the party arrived. Soon enough, Soojung found herself staring at a palace-like mansion, right in the middle of a cherry blossom tree forest. She could barely keep up with Kahi, as she had never seen this many cherry blossom trees back in Seoul. She had snapped back to her senses just in time to see Kahi gesturing at her to follow her. Kahi was approaching a group of men, one of whom looked old enough to be the father of the three others in the group. Soojung finally caught up with Kahi, who seemed to have caught the attention of the eldest man.  
  
“Kahi! How lovely to see you again. Come, come...” the man said, waving at them to come over.  
  
As both Kahi and Soojung were about to kneel, the man said, “None of that. We’re friends, Kahi!”  
  
“Father is correct, _noona,_ ” one of the younger boys said. If smirks could be heard then Soojung could practically hear the smirk in that boy’s tone. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”  
  
“Jongdae!” another boy said, as though shushing the first one.  
  
“Ambassador Kim, gentlemen,” Kahi said, gently pulling Soojung over, “this is Soojung, the younger sister I’ve been telling you about.”  
  
Soojung bowed and said the usual things about asking for everyone’s indulgence and patronage.  
  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Soojung,” the eldest man said, smiling at her. “I am Kim Dongwan, the country’s ambassador to China. I’ve been trying to get Kahi to call me by my name for ages, yet she insists on calling me ‘Ambassador Kim.’ I hope you don’t turn out to be that way too.”  
  
Kahi let out a giggle at that one. “I’m sorry, Ambassador Kim, but I’m afraid Soojung will also have to address you as such.”  
  
Dongwan let out a sigh as he gestured to the three boys with him to behave.  
  
“This is my eldest son, Joonmyun.”  
  
The shortest one among them broke away from the group and bowed in front of her. He had incredibly white skin that Soojung wondered if he bathed in milk. He was rather handsome he had a smile that could light an entire city if he wished. She recalled him as the boy who rebuked the one called Jongdae.  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, Soojung. Thank you for gracing us with your presence. Kahi always introduces interesting people,” Joonmyun said, smiling at her.  
  
“Don’t bother with him,” the boy called Jongdae whispered loud enough for only them to hear, “he’s not into women. He’s seeing the Pansori performer Kyungsoo, who happens to be nearby.”  
  
Soojung’s eyes grew wide at that. She was good friends with Kyungsoo. She had no idea he was seeing a politician’s son. She was about to make a comment on that when Joonmyun blushed and rejoined the other boys.  
  
Dongwan sighed as he called over the loud-mouthed boy. “My youngest son, Jongdae. As you’ve seen, he hasn’t learned to keep his opinions to himself.”  
  
Upon seeing Jongdae up close, Soojung noticed he had keen-looking eyes and high cheekbones that looked like they could cut diamonds. If one looked at his eyes, they practically sparkled with mischief.  
  
“Admit it, Father, life would be dull without me.” Jongdae said as he bowed to Soojung. “As long as you’re not too uptight, we’ll get along fine.”  
  
Soojung allowed herself to smile at his comment, to show she wasn’t uptight at all.  
  
“I like her, Kahi,” Jongdae said, “but she’s not the type I’d want as a mistress.”  
  
Soojung, Kahi, and the other young boys laughed out loud at that, meanwhile Dongwan looked like he wanted to hit his head against a hard surface.  
  
“It’s fine,” Soojung said, smirking right back. “You don’t look like the kind of man I’d want as a danna someday either.”  
  
Dongwan shook his head as Kahi gave Soojung an approving smile.  
  
“There’s one more person I’d like you to meet. This is Zhang Yixing, the son of the Chinese Ambassador to our country. He is also good friends with my sons.”  
  
A boy taller than both Joonmyun and Jongdae stepped forward and bowed. He had that look in his eyes that looked as though he was constantly dreaming. He had a perfectly-shaped nose. But what intrigued Soojung the most was his smile, almost as though he had a secret to keep.  
  
“It’s an honor to meet the younger sister Kahi has been telling us so much about,” Yixing said. He had a slight lilt to his speech when he spoke, which was the only telltale sign he was a foreigner.  
  
“Regardless, Soojung is a lovely name, but we all know pretty names don’t always equate to beautiful women,” Yixing continued.  
  
Soojung was just about ready to _politely_ give him a piece of her mind. After all, an ambassador’s son was just about to insult her in front of everyone. She didn’t care if she would be called disrespectful, but she could always say she was merely provoked.  
  
“Not in this case, as both the name and the girl are beautiful. My apologies, Kahi, but I’m afraid she is lovelier than you are!”  
  
“Yixing! No woman likes to hear that she isn't the prettiest creature around!" Kahi said, with a fake frown on her face.  
  
“Especially you, Kahi? Sorry, but you might have to get used to it,” Yixing said as he looked at Soojung, “especially if I will see Soojung more often.”  
  
Yixing smiled at Soojung as though they were sharing an inside joke. She hid her chuckles under her kimono sleeves as Kahi pretended to hit him for his impudence. Soojung shook her head as Kahi mock-scowled at her, as if it was her fault she got insulted.  
  
“Kahi, some of the others want to catch up with you too!” Dongwan said, offering an arm to her. “Soojung, why don’t you get to know these boys and spend time with them? Surely you wouldn’t wish to be in the company of dull, older people?”  
  
As Dongwan and Kahi abandoned them in favor of their older friends, Soojung patiently waited for the boys to decide if they would leave her to her own devices or not. When Yixing offered an arm for her to take, she knew at once they expected her to keep them company. While the four of them talked and wandered around the garden, Soojung had learned several things about them. Joonmyun was studying to become a lawyer, and he was fond of watching theater performances. (“Which was how he met Kyungsoo,” Jongdae whispered to her when he thought Joonmyun was distracted.) Jongdae had just put up his own business of electric wares, and he had a peculiar fondness for music and making other people look bad. Poor Joonmyun was the subject of Jongdae’s commentary, yet he seemed accustomed to it. (“Joonmyun’s been subjected to that role all his life,” Yixing said after one particularly incriminating story from Jongdae, “even if he is the older brother.”)  
  
  
Once both Joonmyun and Jongdae excused themselves to entertain other guests, Soojung realized she had yet to let go of Yixing’s arm. As much as his arms were nice to the touch, she knew she had to let go before people’s tongues started wagging. Just as she was about to let go, Yixing shook his head. “It’s best if you don’t let go. I can’t lose you now, hmm?”  
  
Soojung was about to protest, yet she decided against it. She had no idea where Kahi was, and he was more familiar with the place. Besides, now that Joonmyun and Jongdae were gone, she could probably unlock whatever secrets his smile might be hiding.  
  
“You haven’t spoken much tonight, Yixing,” Soojung said as she reached up to touch a cherry blossom branch. She could have sworn she saw him smile before he chuckled.  
  
“If Jongdae is on a roll, it’s difficult to steal his thunder,” he said, “but I can give him a run for his money if I wish.”  
  
Soojung detected a promise of mischief in his words, and true to his promise, Yixing did give Jongdae a run for his money. Yixing confessed to having done crazy things in his childhood, and even studying in Korea was merely a crazy idea on his part. He intended to follow his father’s footsteps and try to improve relationships between the two countries.  
  
“After all, Soojung, this country has made me fall in love with it.” he said, smiling at her. “I’ve traveled to other parts of the world, yet there is something about this country that makes me want to stay.”  
  
There was a tenderness in his eyes and voice as he looked around. Soojung felt as though as she could understand the wonder in his eyes, but at the same time, that was a topic beyond her. She had never seen the world beyond Seoul, and now Jeolla. She could barely comprehend leaving a city... Yixing must have been really courageous to have dared to explore a realm beyond his comfort zone.  
  
“Tell me, Soojung, have you ever fallen in love with someone or something incredibly beautiful that it would break your heart to leave it?”  
  
Soojung merely gave him a blank stare. Love? Not even the most successful geisha could afford that luxury. It was an entirely foreign concept to them. Hearts were supposed to be nonexistent among geisha, yet this man was asking her about it?  
  
“Love doesn’t exist among my crowd of people,” Soojung said, “It’s a concept we don’t believe in.”  
  
Yixing frowned at this. “But surely, despite those perfectly painted masks, you have hearts as well?”  
  
Soojung was certain she disliked where this conversation was heading, yet it gave her an odd thrill to actually talk to a man who had potential to actually make sense. Most men she had spoken to were often used to being respected that they found an opinionated geisha offensive. Something told her Yixing also enjoyed a decent conversation, and she was more than ready to tackle him head-on.  
  
“Tell me, Yixing,” she said, facing him, “would you sail out to sea on a potentially sinking ship?”  
  
The sudden spark in Yixing’s eyes showed she wasn’t going to be disappointed with this conversation. Soojung was out for blood, and she was going to get it. It didn’t matter if the man she would be talking to was a graduate of one of the country’s universities, while she was merely a countryside girl sold to become a geisha.  
  
“The matter of the ship sinking or not isn’t in our hands anyway. You don’t lose much by boarding the ship,” he replied, gently stroking her hand with his thumb.  
  
Soojung would have blushed and looked away, because the gesture was so intimate, yet her mind was more focused on outwitting the man beside her.  
  
“But faith alone doesn't sail ships, and faith alone won't save a drowning man.” She indulged herself with a chuckle after that. If she had any hopes of having silenced Yixing, she knew those hopes were dashed the moment he shook his head.  
  
“You put faith in your navigator, don't you? You put faith in your captain.”  
  
“How would you even know what captain to trust? Which ship won’t sink?”  
  
The smile on Yixing’s face was what scared her a little bit. Not in the sense that she was going to die, but there was something about the way his eyes stared straight into her own and the way he held her hand even tighter that told her his answer was going to keep her up all night.  
  
“You can try your luck, or you can wait until something tells you _that's the one,_  It's about faith again— believe and it will come to pass.”  
  
Soojung officially didn’t like the way Yixing looked at her, as though he was trying to see straight into her soul. Goodness, they had just met hours ago and he was acting like he wanted to unearth all her secrets. There he was again, talking about faith and trust, things that were beyond the world of illusions and fantasies Soojung was more accustomed to.  
  
“Rather fascinating how a man of high education speaks the way an old lady in the countryside would, isn’t it?” Soojung knew she was desperately grasping for straws at this point, anything just to keep her pride intact. However, the way Yixing merely smiled and chuckled at her meant he knew she had lost her steam.  
  
  
Days had passed after that cherry blossom viewing party in Gwangyang, and Soojung had given up any hope of understanding Yixing’s enigmatic parting shot. How could a man be so certain about something uncertain? Soojung couldn’t comprehend how he could be so sure love was meant for everyone. Surely, he had no idea of what happened to others who lost themselves and more to what he called love. The tears of the geisha in her dance school were more than enough warning bells on her part. She couldn’t afford any mistakes. Not now while her career was merely rising and she was beginning to establish a nice reputation for herself.  
  
It was during one of Soojung’s late summer engagements that she and Yixing met again. One of her engagements for the night was a party hosted by the wealthy businessman, Shim Changmin. She didn’t plan on staying too long as she had many other parties to attend after. It was a relief to see her friends and fellow apprentices Sunyoung and Jiyoung present as well. “It’s a chance for these men to watch the great Sunyoung and Soojung dance together, which is a rather rare treat,” Jiyoung said as she tuned her shamisen. It was nice to be with geisha close to her age every now and then. Soojung was laughing at a story Sunyoung was telling the party when a group of men came in.  
  
“Our apologies for being late, Changmin,” a familiar voice said. Soojung looked up from where she was trying to control her laughter to see Yixing sitting across her. His other friends have decided to spread themselves among the other men in that group.  
  
“Soojung, how nice to see you again,” Yixing said as she poured him a cup of sake.  
  
“Likewise,” she said, his words from their first meeting still fresh in her mind.  
  
“Any progress in understanding love, yet?”  
  
Soojung let out a laugh. Did he seriously expect her to ponder on it? “I regret to inform you, my stance is firm, Yixing.”  
  
“Even a heart of ice can be melted, you know,” he said, his lips quirking at her.  
  
Soojung frowned at him and playfully hit his arm with her fan. After all, she couldn’t engage in an outright debate with him in front of all these people. It amazed her how a highly-educated man like Yixing could hold on to the notion of finding “the one” despite everything he had learned. Maybe education was like being stuck in an ivory tower where one’s illusions were encouraged rather than shattered. Unfortunately for Yixing, the rest of the world didn’t work that way. There was no time for chasing dreams. Perhaps it was because he was rich that’s why he was able to afford such a luxury. For a geisha like herself, hopes were like hair ornaments—younger people liked to wear so many of them, yet once they aged, they would be ridiculed for wearing even one.  
  
She could have jumped out of her own skin as soon as she felt Jiyoung tapping her shoulder. She put a hand to her chest as she tried to catch her breath. It looked as if they were waiting for her to say something coherent.  
  
“The others think I am an old man stuck inside the wrong body,” Yixing said, taking pity on her flustered state.  
  
Soojung had managed to compose herself as she said, “I beg to disagree, gentlemen. Yixing isn’t an old man, rather an old woman stuck in the wrong time frame.” She sent him a playful wink as the rest of the party had a good laugh at his expense.  
  
After that party, Soojung found herself seeing Yixing as an honored guest at the events she entertained in. It was also at that time she found herself getting to know him better, and to her dismay, she told him things about her that she would have told no other patron. Life went on for Soojung despite all this.  
  
  
For the next few months, her life consisted of engagements, dance performances, and lessons. After a couple of years of all this, Soojung was ready to make the transition from being an apprentice to a geisha. This was during the fall of 1937, when she turned 18. Geisha have called this change “turning the collar," because an apprentice wears a red collar while a geisha wears a white one. The day she turned her collar was one of the most exciting, yet terrifying days of Mistress Ryu’s life. It was exciting because now she was a geisha, she was available for more services, provided the terms were suitable. Because of her connection with Kahi and her popularity in Haru, Soojung’s standing was such that she could fetch a high price. It was exciting for Mistress Ryu because it meant more money, yet Mrs. Ryu was terrified since some of the money would actually go to Soojung. The reason for this was because Mistress Ryu did not adopt Soojung to inherit the okiya. Eventually, Soojung could earn her independence, and leave the okiya.  
  
Just weeks after Soojung had turned her collar, Mistress Ryu came to her while she and Kahi were having a light lunch in the dining area. They had been talking about Soojung’s first starring role in the upcoming spring production of _Dances of the Old Capital_. They stopped out of courtesy, although the Mistress had said nothing. After a time, she raised an eyebrow at their lunch of kimchi bokumbap and said, “You should stop eating those. You’ll get bad breath. You two can smell mine...”  
  
Soojung and Kahi discreetly exchanged looks. Neither of them ever thought kimchi was the cause of Mistress Ryu’s bad breath. When the Mistress was done letting both women smell her breath, Kahi managed to say, “My danna eats this all the time, and his breath smells fine.”  
  
“Your danna doesn’t make money by having fresh breath, does he Kahi?” Mistress Ryu snarled. “Funny, you mentioned your danna, since Soojung over here will be having one in a month!”  
  
“A danna?!” Soojung and Kahi said, their eyes wide and jaws hanging open.  
  
“Close your mouths, both of you,” Mistress Ryu said, hitting their chins with her fan.  
  
“A danna? But Mistress, I’m only 18,” Soojung said, once she was able to compose her features.  
  
Mistress Ryu nodded. “Remember Jinri? She didn’t have a danna until she was 25, and that didn’t last very long... You ought to be pleased, Soojung.”  
  
“But, Mistress, wouldn’t it require a lot to keep a danna happy?” Soojung asked.  
  
“Besides, isn’t 18 young for most girls, Mistress Ryu?” Kahi added, “Wouldn’t it be wiser for Soojung to establish herself and strengthen her reputation first?”  
  
Soojung could have sworn she heard Mistress Ryu growl at Kahi’s words.  
  
“My advice to you, Kahi, is to stick to teaching Soojung how to smile prettily even if she finds the conversation repulsive. You leave the business decisions to me.”  
  
“Yes, Mistress, of course,” Kahi whispered. “But may I ask who he will be?”  
  
“General Mun Chonghyok.”  
  
Soojung frowned as she caught Kahi’s eye. From the way Kahi was frowning right back, she had no idea who this man was either.  
  
“He’s the son of one of my former patrons,” Mistress Ryu said, answering the question they didn’t dare ask out loud. “He’s in charge of military procurement. He would be able to get things the okiya needs without much difficulty, if this war would continue. He may not shower you with gifts and send you to dance recitals, Soojung, but his alliance will prove to our advantage.”  
  
All Soojung wanted to do was to bury herself alive. Heaven forbid that she started becoming dependent on a man to survive. Despite their profession being reliant on men’s generosity, Soojung always prided herself as a geisha who wouldn’t depend on anyone. To her, the patronage of her clients was like a normal salaryman’s pay. It was earned through years of hard work, patience, and sacrifices. However, the way Mistress Ryu put it, she was going to have to depend on her danna if the okiya wished to thrive the way it always had. Soojung could only hope the man the Mistress had chosen was pleasant-looking, just so this whole situation was a little less burdensome on her part. As much as Soojung wished to rage at the Mistress for arranging such a thing without her consent, she couldn’t since the older woman was entitled to respect.  
  
  
As per Kahi’s advice, Soojung immersed herself in work just so she could get her mind away from her frustration at the Mistress. At this point, the entire country was preparing for the war that was bound to come. With military forces being deployed to defend several Japanese territories and what not. By now, people had grown accustomed to hearing stories about men rushing to the aid of the Japanese in the war at Manchuria, yet those in the Haru district thought of these tales as scary, urban legends rather than the reality these military men have seen and experienced. Soojung wouldn’t pretend that she felt like she was doing something for the country by entertaining these men. If anything, these soldiers seemed to have come to the area just to tell her how shallow her feelings of suffering were.  
  
During February of the following year, Soojung and the General drank soju together at a ceremony in the Sin Yetchatjip tea house. This was the same ceremony she had performed with Kahi when they were bound as sisters and with Dr. Kim Ryeowook when he became her mizuage patron. This was also the first time she had seen General Mun. He wasn’t as old and bad-looking as Soojung predicted, yet there was this haunted look in his eyes that had her internally cringing. Despite everyone congratulating Mistress Ryu for making such a favorable alliance, she could practically feel Kahi’s sympathy as they exchanged glances later on that night.  
  
On the very first night after the ceremony, Soojung was instructed to go to an inn called the Ganan, which was close to the outskirts of Seoul. Perhaps Soojung had gotten accustomed to the lavishness of Haru, that the shabbiness of Ganan Inn shocked her. She wondered what the General wanted her to do. He practically ignored her the whole night, except when he told her to undress for him. And then it hit Soojung. So, he wanted to do it. While she wasn’t thrilled with the idea of an older, war-torn man doing this to her, she had no choice. She closed her eyes so that she could still look the man in the face without feeling self-conscious. Pleasing this man turned out to be easy, as all she had to do was obey his orders.  
  
As months passed, Soojung had somehow managed to adjust to the situation, and these meetings with the General had become a quarterly ritual. A geisha’s life was supposed to drastically change after taking on a danna; however Soojung could not say the same for herself. He may have done what was expected of him, such as paying for things that needed to be paid, and with his new position in the military, he was able to provide their okiya things almost everyone else had difficulty getting: imported medicines, chocolates, tea, alcohol, and the like. The General never gave her any lavish gifts as other danna would have, nor did he sponsor her for dance recitals in other big cities. Soojung wondered why her danna even bothered with her in the first place. He was hardly around, and people would have questioned his existence if not for the goods he had managed to procure for their okiya.  


In the years Soojung and Yixing had known each other, they had become very good friends. Yixing was a loyal patron of hers, and in return, she always prioritized his invitations unless there was a conflict with prior commitments. In fact, anyone who was not familiar with General Mun mistook Yixing as Soojung's danna more than once; to the amusement of Kahi and the other Haru geisha.  
  
“He would have been a better danna to you than that horrible general, Soojung,” her friend Suji often said, whenever Yixing was spotted in the audience of the spring dance festivals.  
  
Soojung would roll her eyes in return and attempt to poke the older woman with her make-up brush. “Yixing and I are just very good friends, understand? I am lucky to have his patronage and his friendship.”  
  
  
These girls put too much malice in their friendship. She was aware she was not the only geisha Yixing was friends with, yet she couldn’t understand how come the other geisha looked too much into their relationship, if one could call it as such. Even Kahi, who knew her affairs better than anyone else, had the audacity to make a few jokes about Yixing whenever she could. Yixing wasn’t the first man she had ever been friends with, yet all these people just seemed to think they had a relationship. It seemed as though most of them have chosen to forget she had a danna. Not that it mattered, since General Mun was missing most of the time.  
  
But Soojung had begun to understand what the other geisha were talking about after one of the dinner parties hosted by Ambassador Kim. A maid had accidentally knocked off Soojung’s hair accessory that night. Despite Soojung not showing any signs of irritation, the maid quivered a little bit. It must have been her blank face the whole night, despite her kindness toward the errant maid, which terrified her. She barely noticed Yixing waving over to a maid as she calmly tried, but failed to return the ornament back in place. She heard the others whispering and noticed they were looking her way. She thought it was about how awkward she looked trying to put back the hair pin without a mirror. Soojung even cast a few of them confused looks, yet all they did was to shift their eyes in Yixing’s direction. His lips were quirked into a tiny smile as he held a small box in his hands.  
  
“I was supposed to give this to you later after everyone had left. I guess I’ll have to give it now, since you look as though you need it,” he said, nodding as though telling Soojung to open the gift.  
  
Soojung tried curbing her embarrassment as she slowly unwrapped the box. She enjoyed gifts as much as the next human being did, but Suji’s smirk, Jiyoung’s giggles, and Kahi’s knowing smile had her biting her lip and trying to stop the blush creeping on her cheeks. She unfolded the wrapping and opened the little wooden box inside to find an exquisite ornamental comb on a bed of silk. The comb, shaped like a half-circle, was silver encrusted with amethysts.  
  
“It’s an antique I found while I was visiting my parents in Changsha,” Yixing said with a smile.  
  
“Why, Yixing, I had no idea you were so sentimental!” she said, as she attempted to curb her embarrassment.  
  
Yixing smiled as scratched the back of his head at that comment. “I thought it was something you would like, so...”  
  
This was the first time Soojung had seen the usually-composed and eloquent man flustered and at a loss for words. She tried not to look at any of the other geisha present as she could feel their eyes burning holes into her head. Just as she was about to put the comb back in its box, Kahi swooped in and took it from her.  
  
“Here, Soojung, let me help you put it on,” the older geisha said as she gently put the comb in place. “Doesn’t she look even lovelier with it, Yixing?” she said, smirking at the man beside Soojung. And then she gave a dramatic sigh, as though she had witnessed nothing more romantic than that moment. Soojung resisted the urge to pinch Kahi’s thighs then. She could have sworn both Jiyoung and Suji childishly stuck their tongues out at her when no one else was looking. She shook her head at them all as she poured sake for Yixing, just so she wouldn’t have to look at any of their smug-looking faces.  
  
  
Whenever Soojung was with Yixing, she refused to look anyone in the eye, whether it was another man or any of the other geisha nearby. Haru geisha were just incredibly gossipy that she wondered what sort of stories they have told those who come for a visit. During the first few months, she wondered what General Mun thought of all this. She asked him about this during one of his rare visits; all he did was shrug and say he didn’t care in response. It was then Soojung began wondering how could a danna be fine with her being with another man. Most dannas she heard of were dreadfully possessive, such as Yongjoo’s danna, Jung Jinwoon, the underground mafia leader’s son and heir. He personally dealt with any man who as much as held Yongjoo’s hand or looked at her funnily. His alliance may have been useful to the okiya, yet there was nothing more than that. Soojung figured if her danna had no use for her, then she personally had no use for him either. Her conscience was clear. She betrayed no one, so she was free to spend time with whoever she wished.  
  
Despite Yixing’s easy smiles, respect for her ideas, and generous patronage, there was something telling Soojung to be on her guard. Perhaps it was the way her heart started beating so fast or the blush that threatened to color her cheeks whenever they kept each other company. It was almost as though she could almost hope for a destiny like Victoria’s. However, she was sharper than that. She wasn’t foolish enough to just assume such ridiculous things. After all, she never believed men could be capable of anything but heartbreak. She had seen it happen to many before her, and she refused to be the same. She prided herself on her own rationality, and not even Zhang Yixing was going to make her throw away all common sense just for a risk at something that she wasn’t even certain would last. However, it wasn’t wise to make him angry. He was still a man in power, and Soojung couldn’t have a man of his position against her.  
  
It was during the rehearsals for _Dances of the Old Capital_ when Soojung told this all to Sunyoung and Yongjoo. They also shouldn’t believe the stories Kahi and the other geisha have been spreading. The rumors of the alleged relationship between Yixing and Soojung have gotten out of hand that she had no idea how to quell them all.  
  
“Nonsense, Soojung!” Sunyoung protested as Soojung concluded her lengthy rant. “I am friends with Yixing, yet he has never given me lavish presents like he does with you!”  
  
Yongjoo nodded from her make-up chair. “I mean, given how the two of you flirt with each other so much! Yixing is my patron too, but he’s never called me pretty!”  
  
“Maybe that’s because you’re fat, Yongjoo!” Kahi said with a laugh. This was a running joke for all Haru geisha ever since Yongjoo’s friend, the kimono-maker, Kim Kibum, asked her when she intended to start dieting back in their apprentice days.  
  
“Has he ever called you beautiful, Kahi?” Jiyoung asked, as she had decided to just join the conversation.  
  
Kahi looked down; her eyebrows met in the middle as she closed her eyes and put the tips of her fingers on her forehead. She only frowned like that when she was struggling to remember something. She drummed a finger against her forehead as though the memory would come faster. All the geisha in the rehearsal hall waited with baited breath for her answer. Kahi opened her eyes and smirked at Soojung, who definitely did not like the gleam in Kahi’s eyes.  
  
“He never did, but he did say Soojung was more beautiful than I was when I first introduced them!”  
  
“ _Unni!_ ” Soojung said, hiding her face in her hands as all the other geisha squealed. Her face had flushed even more than ever, and this was not yet the end of her embarrassment.  
  
“But… the question is,” Sunyoung said once they all calmed down, “does Soojung like him back?”  
  
Soojung smirked at Sunyoung’s question. “Of course, otherwise we wouldn’t be friends!”  
  
“No, no, no…” Yongjoo said, shaking her head. “I mean… you know?” She winked at Soojung, knowing the other girl got what she implied.  
  
At this, Soojung’s mind suddenly stopped. She may have entertained unprofessional thoughts about Yixing now and then, yet she refused to give in to whatever that feeling was. She worked long and hard to move up the ranks of life. She refused to risk everything she had worked for just for one, or a few nights of passion. She realized she had said nothing in response when Kahi said,  
  
“Admit it, Soojung, you and Yixing are special to each other.”  
  
  
Soojung had become close friends with Yixing, and Ambassador Kim Dongwan’s sons Joonmyun and Jongdae that she was always invited to the ambassador’s cherry blossom viewing parties in Gwangyang every spring. Regardless of how often she had attended these parties and how the parties were quieter than they used to be, people always craved Soojung’s company, whether it was to take a photo or to have a little chat. Before she could reach any of her friends attending the party, several people wished to have photos taken with her. The flashing lights have gotten so bad that Soojung felt a little dizzy. Just as she thought she was going to collapse, a voice jolted her back to her senses. “Excuse me!” he said as he cut through the crowd. Soojung felt a gentle hand on her back and a hand pulling her to safety. She shot her savior a look of thanks, only to realize Yixing was the man who rescued her.  
  
“We thought you had gotten lost, Soojung, “ he said smiling at her. “Jongdae has been waiting for the day he could exact vengeance.” This had been a sort of joke among them ever since Jongdae lost to Soojung in one of the many drinking games they have played.  
  
They wandered around the estate together, catching up on what had been going on. The war had begun to take its toll on everybody, and even the perpetually-dreaming Yixing had this miserable look in his eyes.  
  
“We may both have seen many horrible things, but I think of you every time I need to be reminded that there is still beauty and goodness in the world," Yixing said as he looked her straight in the eye.  
  
Soojung couldn’t help the blush on her cheeks and the smile forming on her lips, no matter how many times she had heard that line from different men. The way Yixing said those things was just so honest and bald that Soojung felt rather self-conscious. Part of her wondered how many other geisha heard the same words from him, and she felt rather envious, as silly as that sounded.  
  
“Why, Yixing, you ought to have been a poet! You flatter me too much,” Soojung said as she noticed the suggestive glances Naeun threw Yixing’s way. She gripped his arm a little tighter and gave the older, lower-ranked geisha the most menacing look she could manage.  
  
“I’m merely being honest.”  
  
Soojung gasped as they were suddenly showered by cherry blossom petals from the trees above them. She scowled as she attempted to remove the petals that had landed on her eyes and other parts of her face and her kimono.  
  
“See? Even the cherry blossoms are envious of how beautiful you are,” he said with a smile as he slowly removed the petals that landed on Soojung’s hair. “They ought to be embarrassed.”  
  
Soojung wanted to blush because of the intimacy of his gesture. All she could feel was how soft and warm his hand felt as he gently stroked the side of her face. “I have to admit, you are looking particularly handsome today, Yixing,” she said just as an attempt to cover her embarrassment. "You look like a prince standing underneath the cherry blossom trees."  
  
  
Ever since that conversation with Kahi and the other geisha, she now realized just how intimate she and Yixing seemed to people around them. This was beyond the mindless flirting all geisha in Haru indulged their clients with. She needed to stop this before her career got affected, yet she couldn’t bring herself to pull away first. Soojung was like a firefly drawn to the light that was Yixing; she hoped and prayed to every heavenly being up in the sky that she would not regret anything.  
  
On the last night of performances for _Dances of the Old Capital_ , Soojung had spent so much time chatting with Kahi and the other geisha backstage that when they all left the theater, they did not expect to find anyone outside. True enough, most of the crowd had gone home. However, just as Soojung parted ways with the rest, someone had walked out of a coffee shop and walked toward her. Soojung was at the point of screaming for help and running away when the man stepped into the light.  
  
“Yixing! It’s nice to see you again!” Soojung said once her heart stopped beating so fast. “Did you just come from the dances? I hoped you enjoyed this season’s performances.”  
  
Yixing offered her an arm, which she gratefully took, as they walked toward Soojung’s okiya. “I’m very fond of dance, Soojung, you should know that by now. This season’s performances were definitely enjoyable, especially _Arang and the Magistrate_. That one was my favorite.”  
  
_Arang and the Magistrate_ was the solo Soojung performed for the season, and for Yixing to say it was his favorite out of the many dances performed meant so much to her.  
  
“It is a beautiful story, isn’t it?”  
  
“It is, but I’m afraid the dancer’s beauty and skill outshined the story in my eyes. You’re a talented dancer, Soojung. There’s something about the way you move that can render a man spell-bound.”  
  
Soojung could only blink at such a confession. By the time they had reached her okiya, Yixing seemed to have suddenly remembered something. “I’ve been meaning to give these to you.”  
  
It was only then Soojung noticed he was holding a large bouquet of tulips and something flat wrapped in linen paper. Yixing gave her the bouquet while he opened the package he had with him. Soojung had an idea of what it was, yet she didn’t want to harbor any false hopes. When Yixing opened the wrapping, Soojung couldn’t help the gasp she let out.  
  
Yixing had given her two kimonos that everyone knew were the most-coveted from the collaboration project between Seoul’s most esteemed kimono-makers Kim Heechul and Kim Kibum. The first was a dark violet silk that faded into lavender as it approached the hem with cherry blossom trees embroidered in lacquered threads. It went with a wine-colored obi tied with white and silver strings. The second kimono was the one designed to mimic the landscape of the city of Kobe, Japan. The design began at the shoulders with blue sky and clouds; the knees represented the hillside; below that, the gown swept back into a long train showing the blue-green sea dotted with gold waves and tiny ships.  
  
Soojung was speechless as she tried to find the words to use to thank Yixing for the wonderful gifts he had given her. The kimono may have been stunning and those were definitely valuable gifts, but what touched Soojung’s heart more was the bouquet that came with them. She may have received richer gifts from her patrons and sponsors; however, there was something about those pink tulips that had Soojung’s heart racing. Before she realized what she was doing, she stood on the tips of her toes as she gently kissed Yixing’s cheek. Once she had come to her senses, she bowed to him as quickly as possible and ran back inside her okiya, hoping nobody had seen what transpired.  
  
  
She berated herself for weeks after that. How could she have let her impulses run freely like that? She had inevitably done something that could potentially ruin her forever. It wasn’t as though Yixing was always going to be there. She reminded herself men were nothing more than a way to survive. She earned her money legitimately, and she was going to keep doing that for as long as she could. She avoided Yixing for a while; however, they inevitably still saw each other whenever she entertained in Haru. When they met, he treated her as kindly as he did before. He never mentioned the incident in her okiya, so Soojung decided to push it at the corner of her mind. Besides, she was certain he had been kissed by many other women, and a kiss from her wasn’t anything special.  
  
  
It was during an informal party that the relationship between Soojung and Yixing had permanently changed tracks. Yixing was the unfortunate target of the other men present during their drinking games. Soojung refused to participate, citing her danna’s arrival the following morning as a reason not to get drunk. Yixing had nobly taken all the shots that were meant for her, as they had always done for each other in the past when one of them refused to participate. Although Yixing held his liquor very well, he was already close to his limit. The others had passed out hours ago, that there were only at least three coherent people in the room. Soojung had called a maid to bring them some tea; however, what Yixing deemed he needed was fresh air. He went out of the teahouse, taking Soojung with him to a nearby park.  
  
They had spent a long time there saying nothing. All Soojung could hear was Yixing’s heavy breathing as he sat on the bench, trying to clear his head. She wondered why on earth he dragged her out to join him there. She was about to excuse herself and return to her okiya when Yixing suddenly said,  
  
“I wish your danna never had to come back.”  
  
Soojung frowned at him as she turned back. “Excuse me?”  
  
“Tell me, Soojung, did you ever wonder why your danna has a desk job in the military and why he barely has time for you?” he continued as he still blankly stared at the night sky. “It’s because nobody trusts him. Not even his superiors and subordinates have any faith in him. I can't believe your okiya put its faith in a useless man who can't even appreciate what he has.” He let out a hollow chuckle at his own words. Just as Soojung was about to interrupt, he continued,  
  
“I can take proper care of you, you know. It makes me so furious to think about it! When this General is gone from your life, he'll leave nothing for you to remember him by. You deserve better than this, Soojung…”  
  
She frowned at the things Yixing was saying. Was he implying that she couldn’t take care of herself?  
  
“Don’t say that, Yixing…” she said, her hands curling into fists and venom dropping from her voice. “Don’t go around saying things like _I’ll take care of you_ unless you mean it. What if I become dependent on you, and then one day you’d leave me in the dust, how am I supposed to fend for myself?”  
  
If Yixing had said _It’s your problem_ , Soojung could have just simply walked away from him, never to see him again. However, what Yixing actually said was something she never expected to hear.  
  
“I’d say _I won’t leave you,_ yet that would only make you hit me in the face… You don’t want to be kept, do you, Soojung?” He had this odd, somewhat relieved smile.  
  
Soojung merely stared at him. She refused to acknowledge he was right about her once again.  
  
“Just as I thought…” he chuckled, this time sounding lighter. “You never were like anyone else… I’ve traveled to several parts of the world, yet there was only one place I always wanted to return to. Just as with my travels, I’ve met so many beautiful women, yet you have managed to take my heart without realizing it.”  
  
Soojung wasn’t sure if she liked what she was hearing. Part of her was flattered that Yixing had such intense feelings for her; however, she was also fearful of what could happen to them both. Her danna was coming back, and she refused to allow something like this to ruin whatever standing she had with the General. Feelings were irrelevant to a world built on smoke and mirrors. This was the only thing Soojung knew… and she refused to take any chances. Faith and trust were elements of fantasy and believing in these things led to nothing but heartbreak.  
  
Yixing had stood up and walked over to where she was. He gently took both her hands in his own. “Can’t you see I want you for myself?”  
  
She froze at that confession. How was she supposed to react to such a statement? She could barely think of anything to say to dispel the tension between them.  
  
“Soojung, look at me.”  
  
She wanted to do as Yixing asked, just to show she wasn’t affected by his words. How could one not be affected by a confession such as this, which was everything she both hoped for and feared? When she finally raised her eyes at him she could have sworn his eyes were darker than usual and that tears were about to flow from them. Before she could understand what was happening, he let go of her hands and pulled her into his arms. In a moment, their bodies were incredibly close as she felt the warmth of his body against her own. He lowered his face toward hers, and he kissed her.  
  
This was the first time any man had ever kissed Soojung so intimately. General Mun sometimes pressed his lips against her own; however there was nothing intimate about it that Soojung wondered why he even bothered. This kiss felt more intimate than anything she had ever experienced, and it thrilled and terrified her at the same time. It was almost as though he had taken something from her, and she took something from him in return.  
  
She attempted to take a step back before she did anything she knew she would regret, yet Yixing wrapped his arms around her waist even tighter. “Stay, Soojung…” he whispered, practically kissing her ear. “Don’t leave me alone.”  
  
There were so many things she wanted to tell Yixing as she leaned into his touch. There was too much she wanted to say to Yixing, yet she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She couldn’t do as he wanted her to, as that would mean the fall of her career as a geisha. Not now, when the war was getting worse and her okiya relied on her alliance with her danna more than ever. Part of her just wanted to stay the way they were at that moment. Her hands gripped on to the lapels of his suit even tighter as tears began to fall from her eyes. If she went with Yixing, then everything she had worked for and believed in would crumble to pieces. The journey to where she was now took years of sweat, blood, and tears. She couldn’t just throw all this away in favor of a risk. She shook her head as she willed herself not to cry. It pained her to do this, but this was better for them both. Yixing deserved someone better than a girl who had been sold to become a geisha. No matter what he said or felt, Soojung knew what society would think. A girl of her status—no matter if she was the greatest geisha of Haru—was no match for an ambassador’s son.  
  
“I’m sorry, Yixing,” she whispered as her hands slipped from the lapels of his suit. “I’m sorry…” She pushed him away and ran back to her okiya in tears.  
  
  
General Mun’s return to Seoul was the distraction Soojung needed to keep away from Haru and possibly Yixing. The General was more demanding than usual as he always seemed stressed from work. Soojung was happy to have something to fill her mind with. She had even managed to just lock herself in her okiya when she wasn’t with the General just so she wouldn’t run into Yixing and do something she would possibly regret. It was better this way for them both. She would do nothing to jeopardize her career; he would eventually forget about her and find someone else.  
  
  
Although General Mun was no longer Soojung’s danna by the autumn of 1942, he was still a valuable ally to the okiya. Conditions became even worse during the course of several years. Despite the rationing of goods in the country, Soojung's okiya still received luxury goods such as tea and cosmetics. It might have been simpler to have kept all this to themselves and hidden away from the world, but Haru was not that kind of place. Mistress Ryu passed much of it so long as there was some to spare. This was not because of her generosity, but it was because they were all in the same situation. People sought their help now and then, and they were happy to help when they could. General Mun had instructed the military police to leave their okiya alone, so they were relatively undisturbed.  
  
The tides had changed during winter of that same year, when Chanyeol, the messenger who used to work for Ambassador Kim’s family came to the okiya, looking for Mistress Ryu, When the maid told him there was no one around, he wanted to talk to Soojung instead.  
  
“Baekhyun just told me General Mun Chonghyok has been captured and taken into custody,” he whispered once she came out. “You better hide your best things before the police can get a hold of them!”  
  
The moment Soojung heard of the General’s misfortune, she could have sworn the air became icier than before and the sun disappeared from the sky. Within days of Chanyeol’s visit to the okiya, the military policemen came in and confiscated things other families had learned to live without a long time ago: such as stores of food, undergarments, cosmetics. Toward the end of the month, even the head of the neighborhood association began confiscating things to be sold to the gray market as punishment for not helping with the war effort.  
  
  
In January of the following year, the war had taken its toll on people that it felt unpatriotic to have a good time. For the past few months, rumors have been spreading about the government planning to close all geisha districts in Korea. Lately, all the Haru geisha realized that this was really going to happen sooner or later. They had all wondered what would become of them, when suddenly Jiyoung spoke up.  
  
"We can't waste our time thinking about such things," she said. "Nothing is bleaker than the future, except perhaps the past."  
  
That had to be the closest thing to a joke anyone in Haru had heard in the past few years, so they all laughed until tears had come out of their eyes. One day, the geisha districts were bound to close. It was inevitable that the geisha would become factory workers.  
  
Everyone's worst nightmare had actually become reality for the geisha Naeun. A maid tending to their okiya mistress' bath had attempted to burn newspapers to heat the water. The flames got out of control and burned the entire okiya, along with its collection of kimono. Naeun ended up working in a factory just 20 miles away from Haru. She came back to visit once in a while, and everyone was horrified at how much she had changed. It wasn't just the unhappiness in her eyes that haunted them. It was how her cough had become part of her voice and her skin looked as though she had bathed in ink, since the coal they used was a low-grade kind and covered everything in soot as it burned. Naeun was forced to work double shifts while being fed no more than a few slices of kimchi once a day.  
  
Naturally, every geisha in Haru was terrified of the factories and rejoiced to find Haru open whenever they woke up in the morning.  
  
One morning, however, three of Haru district’s loudest messenger boys, Minseok, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun were running around Haru, knocking on people’s doors and shouting.  
  
“It has happened!”  
  
“The war hasn’t ended has it?” Jiyoung asked, as she gripped onto Soojung’s sleeve.  
  
“They’ve just announced that they’re closing down all the geisha districts!” Minseok shouted, hoping everyone heard him despite the buzzing whispers.  
  
“All of you are to report to the registry office tomorrow morning!” Baekhyun added, looking as though he himself wanted to cry.  
  
Chanyeol adjusted a knob on his radio so that everyone could hear what was being said. He gave them all a look as though he was sorry for being the bearer of bad news. The three messenger boys walked away, apologizing for everything. Soojung took in the despair on the faces of the other geisha around her and knew they were all thinking the same thing: Which of the men they knew could save them from the factories?  
  
The General was now out of question as he was now a war prisoner and is being tried as a traitor. There was no way he could be able to save her when he could not even rescue himself. Soojung sighed as she ran a hand through her messy hair. She knew she had to come up with a plan. There was no way she was going to work in the factories.  
  
  
That evening, the Sin Yetchatjip was busy with farewell parties. It amazed Soojung how differently each geisha took the news. Some of them resembled serene Buddhas while others looked as though they were about to be executed. Soojung was certain her mind was working that people probably saw the wheels turning inside her head. She had no idea what was going on with the party, that she was jolted awake when a maid discreetly tapped her to give her a note.  
  
Soojung thought perhaps this was her way out of the factories. She eagerly opened it, hoping for some sort of miracle.  
  


> **  
> _Meet me at Namsan Tower by 11pm._  
>  **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The note was unsigned but Soojung knew that handwriting anywhere, despite trying to avoid thinking of him for the past few years. After how she abandoned him that night, she couldn’t bring herself to ask for his help. She still had some shame in herself not to do that. If she met him later on, who knew what she would do? She refused to use him and disappoint him again as she had done in the past. She sighed as she shook her head, keeping his note tucked in her obi.  
  
“ _I’m sorry… I guess this is goodbye, Zhang Yixing._ ”  
  
  
  
The party had ended past midnight and almost everyone was unconscious on the tatami mats of the Sin Yetchatjip. Victoria, the teahouse’s mistress had approached Soojung and asked her to come to her quarters. Soojung followed, wondering what the woman wanted with her.  
  
“My husband and I need someone to help watch our daughter in Thailand while we try to rebuild our lives there. We thought we should tell you first, as you haven’t told us if you were able to get any help.” Victoria said, leaning closer in case anyone else would overhear them. “Thailand is safe from the war. We will not be attacked while we are there. As for you feeling as though you owe us… don’t. Take care of our daughter, and you will repay whatever sense of debt you may feel. So, what do you say?”  
  
Luck was still on her side somehow. Soojung had no idea how she managed a small nod and a bow of thanks.  
  
“Excellent. Go back to your okiya. Pack your bags and meet us here in two hours. We will leave when you come back here.”  
  
  
  
Countries weren’t the only things the war destroyed. It also broke people in the cruelest way possible. Injuries and malformations were the least of people’s worries. Most people have lost that sense of hope they once held on to. No one had seen the point of smiling, or pursuing happiness for any matter. Everyone just took whatever they received and few people only dared to hope for something more. Soojung had accepted all this while she was in Thailand. Until this day, she wondered why she received this kindness from Nichkhun and Victoria among all the geisha in Haru. Life in Thailand was peaceful, as the country served as a buffer state during the war. She mostly acted as a baby-sitter to the couple’s daughter as Nichkhun and Victoria attempted to put up a business in Thailand.  
  
She considered herself lucky, despite everything that had happened. She had heard from Victoria that Kahi and Sunyoung had been shot while they served as nursing assistants at one of the military camps in Cheonju, while Kahi’s former danna, Seunghyun, had been killed during an air raid in Busan. There were also those who may have survived the war but ended up killing themselves since the depression the war brought was unbearable, as was the case of Ambassador Kim Dongwan. As a prisoner of war, he found all his assets frozen and his noble blood had no place in the new order of things. One morning, the news reported of his corpse floating along the Han River. Thankfully, his sons Joonmyun and Jongdae, along with Joonmyun’s lover Kyungsoo, were able to escape to the United States before the war escalated.  
  
Soojung sighed as she pulled her hair into a bun behind her head as she got ready for the day. Although it had been years since she got here, the sweltering heat was something she never got used to. She looked at the young women wandering along Thailand’s so-called “red district,” and it had her thinking of Haru and the life she used to live there. She was almost 30, and she was getting too old to return to the geisha life. Perhaps she could do as Victoria did and return to Haru to put up a teahouse. Or maybe she could fulfill Kahi’s dream of teaching young geisha, if there are any left. She entertained these thoughts as she went about her day in the local daycare she worked for. In her own way, she was fulfilling Kahi’s dream. It was the least she could do for the woman who had given her so much. She was consoling a crying little boy over a missing tooth when another teacher said that Soojung had a visitor.  
  
“Who?” she asked as she handed the sobbing child over to her colleague.  
  
The teacher shrugged at her and made a face. “But you might want to do something about your face and hair. He looks like someone important.”  
  
Soojung made a face at the other woman and made herself presentable. Who on earth could he be?  
  
  
She stepped into the pocket garden where the man was supposed to be waiting. He was fairly tall, with up-styled platinum blond hair. He had an innocent face; she would have thought he was a child if not for the war-torn look in those doe eyes.  
  
“Excuse me?” she said, bowing to the man. It had been years since Soojung had seen anyone so distinguished. She suddenly felt the oil in her skin and wished for a moment she was wearing a nice kimono again.  
  
“Soojung? _The Jewel of Haru_?” He may have smiled, but only a fraction of it reached his eyes.  
  
There was an accent in his voice, and Soojung frowned as she attempted to recall where she had possibly seen him before. The man spoke of an era that was long gone. Part of Soojung was flattered that someone still recognized her from her glory days at Haru despite how much she had changed; yet part of her wondered what he wanted from her.  
  
“You speak of a past that is long gone, Sir, but thank you for your flattery nonetheless.” She smirked a little bit, feeling a little bit of her old humor suddenly coming back.  
  
“How have you been? I’ve been searching for you for a long time.”  
  
“Life could have been better, but I can’t complain. The war has done terrible things to all of us,” she replied, noticing the way the man’s hand constantly shivered despite the heat. “You were looking for me?”  
  
“My name is Lu Han, and I am the nephew of the former Chinese Ambassador to Korea,” he said before he bowed. “I guess what I’ve been told about you is true. You really are beautiful.”  
  
Soojung raised an eyebrow at him. What could this man want? The name Lu Han didn’t ring a bell.  
  
“I have reason to believe you are acquainted with my cousin,” he asked with a tiny smile, “Zhang Yixing?”  
  
Zhang Yixing... All those years of trying not to think of him were in vain as a mere mention of his name unlocked feelings she tried to abandon. There were so many things left unsaid between them, and Soojung wasn’t sure if she ever wanted to see him again, especially, not after that night. It took all of Soojung’s courage to let out the question she had been dying to ask.  
  
“How is he? Is he in good health?”  
  
The look in Lu Han’s eyes was enough to erase all Soojung’s happiness. “Is he...?” She couldn’t bring herself to say it. She didn’t want to. If she did, it would all be too real for her.  
  
“We fought together in the army, Yixing and I...” Lu Han said as he gently lead her to the nearest seat. “He often told me what life was like in Seoul, and that he was determined to go back to someone he left behind after we won the war. He held on to the belief he would see her again, even as times grew dark for us in the army...” He looked down at the grass, his lips pursed into something between a straight line and a frown.  
  
“What happened to him?” Soojung brought herself to ask. Why was this man here instead? Where was Yixing? For a moment, she actually thought she was the woman Yixing spoke so highly of, until she remembered how she coldly rejected him. He deserved someone better, and in the years they’ve spent apart, she hoped he found someone worthy of his love.  
  
Lu Han seemed to have found his voice again and continued on. “We were at a battle against some Americans in Nagasaki, when those bombs fell on us all... I, along with some other troops had managed to retreat on time...”  
  
“Yixing?” she whispered, her hands clenched into fists and her heart pounding so fast.  
  
“He ran back to save a soldier who broke a leg. They both didn’t make it back before the bombs fell.”  
  
Soojung fell on her knees and let the tears and screams out. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. She couldn’t understand why she felt like her heart had been ripped and shattered into pieces. Not even Kahi’s death had caused her so much pain, and Kahi was the person she was closest with. Lu Han, who had been rubbing her back the whole time, gently brought her back to her seat. She managed to sit properly, but she couldn’t stop herself from crying and feeling like her heart was bleeding.  
  
“I wasn’t done yet.” He said, his voice unusually serene for a man who just told of someone’s death. “We got back to them once the bombs have cleared. We asked if any of them had dying wishes..."  
  
Soojung wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear any more. Her own emotions were a mess and here was someone giving her a blow by blow account of someone’s death. She wanted to run back inside and shut herself in there forever. Just as she stood up, Lu Han held her wrist and gently forced her back to her seat.  
  
“... on his last breath, instead of a prayer, he said your name.”  
  
Soojung wanted to scream, throw something at Yixing despite being more than six feet under. Why on earth would he waste his breath on her? He could have prayed for entrance to heaven or forgiveness for his sins...  
  
Lu Han seemed to have sensed the reason she started muttering all sorts of expletives despite her tears. “He loved you, even though you never gave him the chance to say it... sober. You jilted him the night you were supposed to meet him at Namsan.”  
  
“He’s a man, and we geisha are toys to be played with until you got tired of us,” she said, looking anywhere but at Lu Han’s direction. She let out a hollow laugh at her own words. “Besides, when the war happened... where was he when I needed help? He —”  
  
She stopped herself as she saw the amused smile on Lu Han’s face. “What?”  
  
“Tell me, how did you come by this sanctuary during the war?”  
  
“Victoria, the mistress of my principal teahouse took me in, saying they needed someone to help watch their daughter. Why?” she replied, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“Did you ever wonder why Victoria approached you out of all the geisha in Haru?” he asked, his voice as mild as someone asking for the time.  
  
Soojung’s eyes grew wide as she stared Lu Han in the face. “You don’t mean to say...”  
  
Lu Han nodded. “Yixing was right. You are a lot sharper than I thought. He convinced Victoria to take you with them. He paid for everything, and he hoped after the war, he would come back for you. Victoria wanted to tell you, yet he told her to keep quiet. After all, he knew better than anyone else you didn’t want to depend on anyone so much... furthermore, a man.”  
  
She saw Lu Han pull something out of his breast pocket with his shaking hand. “Yixing always carried it around with him. He intended to give it to you that night at Namsan... or after the war. It was what kept him alive back there.”  
  
He took one of her hands and placed a small, black velvet box in it. Soojung had an inkling what this was, yet she couldn’t bring herself to open it, or even look at it.  
  
“It’s yours... open it.”  
  
Soojung took a deep breath as she mustered the courage to open the box. Inside were two matching platinum rings with diamonds in the middle on a silver chain. One looked bigger than the other. She wasn’t dreaming was she? She gently pinched her cheeks and wondered what could have happened if she didn’t abandon him that night. She always took pride in her courage, yet she let it fail her when it shouldn’t have. If only she swallowed her pride and let herself fall when there was someone to catch her.  
  
  
She hardly recalled how she managed to function properly after that. All she remembered was excusing herself from Lu Han, saying that she had been overwhelmed by the news and the heat. The rest of her life after that had become a sudden blur, especially as she moved back to Seoul with Victoria’s family. No matter how much Haru had changed, she still saw Yixing everywhere she went. She remembered his smile when she heard the little children laughing across the street; she heard his voice in the birds that sang in the park every morning. It wasn’t fair. Wasn’t it supposed to be her memory living on, rather than his? She allowed herself a chuckle every time that thought occurred to her. There were odd times; however, when a warm breeze blew, it felt like Yixing was holding her in his arms again. At those moments, Soojung found herself going back to many spring nights past, wondering what could have been.  
  
  
  
  


-30-

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to: Yuki for beta-reading, Tadpole for her help, CL for the title, Mama Min for pushing me to pursue this one, and the entire Team AU for helping me actually accomplish this fic and holding my hand as they put up with my whining/screaming/complaining.
> 
> Apologies for historical inaccuracies and whatnot. Kimono descriptions and some events from the war were lifted directly from _Memoirs of a Geisha_ to prevent mistakes about such details.
> 
> To be re-written in the future.


End file.
